Your Girl Always
by SquintandProud-x
Summary: The truth is … I gave my heart away a long time ago, my whole heart … and I never really got it back." Buffy writes a letter to her lost soul mate.


**Your Girl Always.**

**By SquintandProud-x.**

**Buffy POV.**

**READ & REVIEW! **

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_Angel,_

_Even after everything you did to me, every single ounce of pain you put me through, I tried to forgive you. I really did. Some days I would wonder why I waste my time, others I would purposely stare at the Claddagh ring you gave me and force myself to remember everything I loved about you. Some days it was hard to love you, other days it was easy. _

_And then, almost a year after you left me, the final words you had spoken to me seemed to suddenly click in my head. _

'_**Move on, Buffy Summers, move on from me and never look back. Have a life, be happy, just live.'**_

_After wallowing in misery for twelve months, I decided that maybe you were right. Maybe I should rejoin the real world. So I went out with Willow and Xander, who were more than happy to see me out of my room for once, and we went out to a local coffee shop. I had to take baby steps, you see. It had been a year since I had last left the confines of my home. I had mainly stayed in my room, curled up in my bed, only leaving to go to the bathroom, get something to eat and drink or, when I got unbearably bored, to watch television. Willow brought food for me – I never went out. I was scared. When you left, the whole world seemed to crumble apart. And, for once in my life, I was utterly alone and frightened._

_But don't blame yourself. I didn't write this letter to blame you. _

_Because when I went to the coffee shop, I was in my own little world thinking about you, as I always had and always would be. When, before I could take time to glance at my surroundings, a hot liquid seeped into my shirt, burning my skin. I had gasped in surprise, not from the burning sensation, and looked up at the cause of my ruined blouse, my fists clenched ready to punch them in the face. But his bright piercing blue eyes caught me off guard. And my chest tightened, my heart skipped a beat._

_I had never felt that feeling since my eyes first fell on you. _

_His name was Riley Finn. He apologised over and over again, dabbing at my blouse with a napkin, and begged me to let him pay for my dry cleaning. Funnily enough, he later admitted that he only wanted to pay for my dry cleaning to see me again. But, nonetheless, I let him pay for it and when he returned with my newly washed blouse, we started seeing each other. _

_It was the hardest thing I had ever done. My thoughts had been constantly driven back to you. Would you have liked Riley? Would you be angry at me for moving on? Would you want me to be happy? _

_And I knew that you would have wanted me to be happy. Because I knew that, despite everything, you loved me and I loved you, and you wouldn't have told me to live if otherwise. _

_Riley proposed to me two years after we had met. It was romantic, a night that I won't forget, and the wedding was planned for the next summer. Two months after he proposed, I surprisingly fell pregnant._

_I had a girl, Angel. Like we had always wanted. The little girl we had always dreamt of having together._

_She looks like me. The same beautiful blonde colour of hair, my hazel eyes, and my nose. She weighed seven and a half pounds. She was so tiny, yet the most beautiful person I had even seen in my life. And even then, when I cradled her in my arms, my thoughts led to you again. Would you have loved her as much as me? What if this had been our child I was cradling?_

_Riley let me name her. _

_I called her Angel Willow Finn Summers. _

_Riley never questioned my choice of name, though Willow and Xander were fully aware. Willow thought it was beautiful, Xander thought I was an idiot for naming something so precious after you. I, however, couldn't think of a better name that suited the centre of my world. After all, you yourself had once been the centre of my world. _

_I cried when she said her first word. Then, months later, I cried again when she took her first steps. And she grew up so fast, so beautifully; that I couldn't believe by time she was five that it had been eight years since we had parted. I still remember the date. _

_1__st__ January 2000. _

_When you first broke up with me, I hated you. You told me that you had picked that day because it gave me a fresh start for the year, that I could forgot about you as I could about the events of last year, and I hated you so much. I spent the full year of the new millennium locked up in my room. And I hated you. But now, when I look back, I understand. I knew that you were just allowing me to start afresh from the actual start. Now I understand fully, I guess I have to thank you. _

_When Angel turned six, Riley and I divorced._

_I never told anyone this, not even Willow who I told everything to, but I divorced him because he wasn't you. And I was sick of trying to pretend he was you. It wasn't fair to him. The truth is … I gave my heart away a long time ago, my whole heart … and I never really got it back. I guess it always belonged to you. I was just kidding myself if I thought I had gotten over you. _

_Time passed, as always. Angel grew up. She asked me about her name and I merely told her that the most important person in my life had been called Angel. She never asked me again, she must have seen the heartbroken look in my eye._

_Because, being honest Angel, you broke me. Shattered me into a thousand pieces that can never be repaired. I'll be broken until my last breath. But, despite breaking me, you gave me something much more. You gave me love. Not phoney love from the movies, not fake teenager love, the true essence of what love actually is. And I'm grateful for that. I am able to live my life knowing that I've tasted the real thing. _

_I had a life, I was happy and I did live. Although I never got over you, I always looked back to what we once had. You were the one, Angel, and I still believe you are my soul mate. We're only thirty five … I believe there is still time. _

_I'll always be yours, Angel, and if ever a day comes that you want to find me again, I will be waiting. I've _always _been waiting. Because true love doesn't just fade away. It's real, it's true, it's permanent. _

_Your girl always,_

_Buffy._

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**Just a random one shot I thought I would write because I felt poorly. **

**Hope you like! :)**

**x**


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